Growing Up: Fear and Excitement

David Foster Wallace addressed the graduating class of Kenyon College in 2005.  These students were no longer students; they were graduates; they were adults; they were real people; they are what we all have to face someday.  This honestly terrifies me. The idea that someday I will wake up in the morning, alone but maybe with a dog, make a cup of tea (because no matter how much I mature I won't grow into coffee) and look out the window into a mysterious city knowing that I could do anything I choose to, yet going to a job to waste my life terrifies me. Maybe it's the idea of living a life of regret, knowing that I did not, could not, or would not do what I really desire is what makes me anxious.  Wallace paints this picture of a life of mediocrity with "long checkout lines","traffic jams", and "meaningless routines"; all of the things that I and many others do not want to become. Part of my fear is drawn from the notion that I will probably end up in these situations and accept and perhaps even enjoy it.  I do not want to become satisfied with a life not worthy of satisfaction. But maybe it's not as bad as it seems. Because when Wallace goes on to talk about the life of those who want to LIVE not just live, and those who want the "capital-T Truth" he focuses on the mental decision to become this.  "You consciously decide what has meaning and what doesn't" and if in the bright store aisle I choose to think about the upcoming snow storm that will cover the mountains with snow instead of thinking about the idicoracy of the "lane-blocking SUV's" and planning to "hit the sack early" for work the next day.  I just hope that I and many others have a reason to live.

David Foster Wallace